New Strawberry Coke with Kiwi

After trying Coke Zero for the first time today, I can’t help but wonder how many different varieties of Diet Coke we really need. Let’s see, we have:

Diet Coke

Caffeine-Free Diet Coke

Diet Cherry Coke

Diet Vanilla Coke

Diet Coke with Lemon

Diet Coke with Lime

Diet Coke Sweetened with Splenda

Coke Zero

Don’t even get me started on Tab, either.

I hereby propose we reduce the product line to regular Diet Coke (obviously), Caffeine-Free Diet Coke (for Mormons), and Diet Coke with Lime (because I like it). Who’s with me?

Man of Steel

In the wake of The Dark Knight’s record-breaking box office haul, it’s no surprise that Warner Bros. has set ts sights on a complete reboot of the Superman movie franchise — more or less ignoring 2006’s disappointing Superman Returns.

My Superman reboot would take the franchise in a completely different direction. First up, I’d set the film in 1938, the year of Superman’s debut in Action Comics #1. Moreover, I’d use CGI to create a highly stylized Metropolis, evoking a retro pulp art aesthetic and harkening back to the Fleischer Superman cartoons from the 1940s. If you’ve seen Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, that’s very close to what I have in mind.

Lex Luthor would be the film’s villain — depicted here as a mad scientist who unleashes an army of giant robots on the unsuspecting citizens of Metropolis. Lois Lane is a tenacious reporter for the Daily Planet with a knack for finding herself in harm’s way. Meanwhile, Superman is something of a mystery — new to the scene, nobody knows where he came from or what he’s doing in Metropolis. I’d also scale back his powers a bit to bring them more in line with his early appearances (i.e. stronger than a locomotive, faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound). From there, the film basically writes itself: Superman smashes a few dozen robots, captures Lex Luthor, and rescues Lois Lane from certain doom.

Of course, I’m probably the only person on Earth who would want to see a retro Superman flick. As far as a more “box office friendly” reboot of the Superman franchise goes, I have a few suggestions after the jump.